Interracial Love: I Chose to be Happy!
Twelve years ago I met an amazing man, and while I don’t believe in love at first sight, I knew he was different. We hit it off immediately, and before long we became great friends. Within two months he asked me to be his girlfriend, officially. Our friendship and love blossomed into something amazing, and for the first time in my life I felt safe and secure. We moved in together six months later and began blending our lives together. During Thanksgiving, I took him to my hometown so I could introduce him to my family, after all, we had been together for nine months and it was time. While my mom was very open and accepting, my older brother refused to meet my boyfriend. He actually refused to come into the house while my boyfriend was there. You see, I am white and he is black and while I knew my brother had slowly grown irrational views about other races over the years, I never imagined him to be this extreme. To this day I still do not understand his rationale for the way he acted.
Soon after our visit, my soon-to-be husband proposed. I excitedly called my mom to tell her the news, but I could tell in her tone she was anything but happy for us. Within weeks she started trying to talk me out of getting married. Her verbal and emotional abuse was overwhelming. She would say an array of racial and non-racial comments from “he’s going to leave you” to “he only wants to marry you to have you as a trophy, that’s why black men marry white women” to “your kids will never look anything like you”. It became unbearable, and I had to distance myself from her for a few months while we happily planned our wedding. My older brother and I had never known our father, so I thought asking my brother to walk me down the isle would be the next best thing. When I asked my brother to walk me down the isle, he told me, “You are making the biggest mistake of your life and I will not be a part of it. Why can’t you just marry a white guy?” It seems like just yesterday these words were echoing in my head. I was hoping he would put his extreme views behind him to be apart of my wedding day. While I was hurt beyond words from both my brother and my mother’s actions, it did not stop me from marrying a wonderful, caring, and respectful man. Our wedding day was beautiful with our families by our sides, including my mother.
My mom and I continued our broken relationship for years afterwards and while it was a struggle to maintain the chaos she brought into my life, I did so with solid ground because my husband was there for me. Recently I chose to cut all ties with my mother; it was solely my choice. I now have a daughter I must think about, and I have chosen not to allow this chaos and hate into her life.
In all honesty, it has been an amazing road. Through all this craziness and hate I have found my strength. Our relationship was tested and strengthened by the stones being cast against us. And while I would have never wanted to choose between my family and my husband, he has brought nothing but happiness into my life and I made the right choice.
I chose to be happy!
Angelique is the founder of MixedByLove.com an online community for mixed-race families, couples and people who want to discuss their struggles and share their joys.