Interracial Love: I Chose to be Happy!

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Interracial Love: I Chose to be Happy!

Twelve years ago I met an amazing man, and while I don’t believe in love at first sight, I knew he was different. We hit it off immediately, and before long we became great friends. Within two months he asked me to be his girlfriend, officially. Our friendship and love blossomed into something amazing, and for the first time in my life I felt safe and secure. We moved in together six months later and began blending our lives together. During Thanksgiving, I took him to my hometown so I could introduce him to my family, after all, we had been together for nine months and it was time. While my mom was very open and accepting, my older brother refused to meet my boyfriend. He actually refused to come into the house while my boyfriend was there. You see, I am white and he is black and while I knew my brother had slowly grown irrational views about other races over the years, I never imagined him to be this extreme. To this day I still do not understand his rationale for the way he acted.

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Soon after our visit, my soon-to-be husband proposed. I excitedly called my mom to tell her the news, but I could tell in her tone she was anything but happy for us. Within weeks she started trying to talk me out of getting married. Her verbal and emotional abuse was overwhelming. She would say an array of racial and non-racial comments from “he’s going to leave you” to he only wants to marry you to have you as a trophy, that’s why black men marry white women to “your kids will never look anything like you”. It became unbearable, and I had to distance myself from her for a few months while we happily planned our wedding. My older brother and I had never known our father, so I thought asking my brother to walk me down the isle would be the next best thing. When I asked my brother to walk me down the isle, he told me, “You are making the biggest mistake of your life and I will not be a part of it. Why can’t you just marry a white guy?” It seems like just yesterday these words were echoing in my head. I was hoping he would put his extreme views behind him to be apart of my wedding day. While I was hurt beyond words from both my brother and my mother’s actions, it did not stop me from marrying a wonderful, caring, and respectful man. Our wedding day was beautiful with our families by our sides, including my mother.

My mom and I continued our broken relationship for years afterwards and while it was a struggle to maintain the chaos she brought into my life, I did so with solid ground because my husband was there for me. Recently I chose to cut all ties with my mother; it was solely my choice. I now have a daughter I must think about, and I have chosen not to allow this chaos and hate into her life.

In all honesty, it has been an amazing road. Through all this craziness and hate I have found my strength. Our relationship was tested and strengthened by the stones being cast against us. And while I would have never wanted to choose between my family and my husband, he has brought nothing but happiness into my life and I made the right choice.

I chose to be happy!

 

GUEST WRITER:

AngeliqueAyers 150x150 Interracial Love: I Chose to be Happy! relationships interracial relationships  stereotypes Angelique is the founder of MixedByLove.com an online community for mixed-race families, couples and people who want to discuss their struggles and share their joys.

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. LDNolasco says

    I see that you had the courage to cut ties with someone who brought chaos and hate into your life, even if he is a blood relative. I have had to make similar choices because of my dark-skinned Dominican husband, even though I am in my 40s and this is my second marriage. We tried to be a family, but my father got tired of play-acting and said some hurtful things four years after he had helped us by finding us a house to live in and saying we only had to pay the taxes (we could not afford a house and I believed him when he said that he would not interfere in our lives).

    I have a tendency to think that being estranged from my family is my punishment for not bending to the will of controlling, hateful, rageful people. My first husband was from the Middle East and managed to brainwash my children into hating me because I would no longer take his abuse. He and my father hated each other because they were made of the same material.

    With my second marriage, I can honestly say that I chose to stop trying to roll myself into a little ball to please others. There is some happiness in knowing that my extended Dominican family accepts me unconditionally. When my husband and I have little disagreements like most couples, his siblings have often taken my side and demanded that he apologize. His aunts and uncles say that when I go to the Dominican Republic, it is my home.

    Everyone seems to think that when my children become adults (my son is 17) they will come looking for me and seek the truth. My parents have tried to reach out in little ways, but I am not ready to see or talk to them.

    • says

      When I hear other peoples stories about similar experiences it still upset's me.  The choice to choose a side is never easy!  But in the end life is about being happy and sometimes the toughest decisions have the best outcomes.  I am so glad your husbands family supports you both, it is a big plus when someone has your back :)  I am so grateful for the abundance of resources nowadays because years ago we had no one to turn to for support or advice.  Out of all our heartache MixedByLove was born and my hope is that others who experience the trials we have experienced will have an outlet and network of people with similar experiences.  Good luck to you both & keep following your happiness, the pain of letting them go will lessen and love will prevail.  

  2. says

    Your happiness did not come at the expense of their misery – they were already miserable if they lived in such a narrow minded world. As mothers and wives, sometimes we have to make difficult choices. You made the right one :-)

  3. Angelica @ New Latin says

    Love, love this "love" story.  You absolutely made the right choice.  You're a great role model for your daughter….All the blessings to you and your beautiful family!

  4. says

    I am so happy for you! It takes a lot to have to let go of those that use to be such a big part of your life but when it start affecting your family it is definitely not ok. You are a strong woman and lucky to have such a supportive husband.

  5. says

    Angelique, this so reminds me of my story.  I'm so glad to have found women who can relate!  Our relationships with our families have also splintered.  We don't talk to his family at all and mine is more like a holidays only kind of thing.  We talk here and there, but frankly, I don't want to hear the put-downs, stereotypes or condescending remarks, so it's best to just keep some distance.  It is unfortunate though, because I'm sure that my daughter would love to have more close-nit family contact.  Hopefully things will get better.  There has been improvement from some, so that's at least progress.  I'm sorry that you had to cut ties, that's never easy, but on the other hand…it's important that we protect the emotional health of our families. ♥

    • says

      Distance is best, it helps to keep a peaceful mind not only for ourselves but also for our immediate families.  We didn't choose the family in which we were born but we can choose the family for our future.  I love the words in your "Trials of the Interracial Couple" blog that says "Our experiences might not necessarily be the same, but I can definitely relate."  That is all we need understanding and validation that these things do and are happening now.  Many blessing for happiness & love to the 3 of you :)

  6. says

    Your story is bittersweet, Angelique. I'm happy that you followed your heart, found happiness and made a life together. Maybe one day your family will realize how wrong they are and come around. Thank you for sharing your story.

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