Yes, My Son is Black!

little man and little lady Yes, My Son is Black! multiracial parenting  stereotypes multiracial / mixed

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Yes, My Son is Black!

How horrible is it to be told you are not your race because you don’t fit the stereotype appearance? It happens to a lot of multicultural families. We are often questioned about our children’s identity and even whether they belong to us by people who don’t know any better or are quick to judge.

Some people didn’t believe my son was my husband’s because my son didn’t look “black”. When my son was born, he was born extremely light with straight hair like me. I was happy he was healthy and gorgeous his complexion was the least of my concerns! By 3 months he was a little darker and his features were really changing, but still straight strands of hair. Then by the time he was 7 months, he was as pale as ever with a couple of curls. It wasn’t until his 1st birthday that his hair was a lot curlier and it bloomed from there.  However, he’s never gotten any darker.

It actually makes me feel quite sad that this even crossed people’s minds. I know it shouldn’t matter what people think, but it hurts.  As a parent you want to protect your babies from the hurt.  Strangers find the need to approach us, maybe out of curiosity. Their questions and comments are sometimes mind boggling and hurtful. Like the time my family was out shopping and my husband was asked if he was babysitting our son. Or the time where my husband was asked who was our daughter’s mom. When he pointed to me she was in shock and still asked if I was really the mom!  Unfortunately, our own family also questions us. Even when our family jokes, it’s not funny.  My husband was told jokingly, “You need to go to Maury and find out if that baby is yours.”  I was shocked and offended!  I even did that nervous laugh as I was being told “I’m only joking”.  Half of me wanted to fight back with words the other half knew it would probably turn out ugly. I think I regret not doing anything about it because to this day, it still bothers me that they would have thought my son wasn’t ours.

My son’s appearance and features shouldn’t determine who he is. My husband and I know he is ours and that’s all that matters.  Stereotypes about appearances create identity issues and I want my children to grow up proud of who they are.  I plan to educate them best as we can because I don’t want them to feel hurt or angry. I want them to be able to understand and explain to someone that they are different but that’s OK. My children will be raised BLACKXICAN (Black and Mexican). They will love who they are and grow up proud.

 

GUEST WRITER:

Ruby Growing Up Blackxican 150x150 Yes, My Son is Black! multiracial parenting  stereotypes multiracial / mixed Ruby is many things, but foremost a wife and mother to her 2 little ones. She and her husband are trying to raise bilingual/bicultural little beings. She’s originally from Orange County, California, but recently moved across country after her husband completed his duty with the US Navy. They now live in New Jersey, where her husband is originally from. Ruby enjoys time with her family, visiting new places and people, all things crafty and of course, meeting other bicultural parents!  Find her on her blog, Growing Up Blackxican.

 

 

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Comments

  1. says

    Here's what I have realized. People are dumb. Even if your husband was babysitting, so what!? Why would they need to know that? Your kids are yours and his, and that will never change, regardless of how dark or light they are.   

    • says

      Trust me I felt the same way you did. I thought i could tolerate it all by thinking oh people can be dumb but the truth is it gets to me. As a mom I try and protect what's mine and I know that although i can raise my child to be proud the constant ignorance and questioning will someday get the best of them and thats ok as long as we know how to deal. It's ok to feel hurt. Words hurt sometimes.

  2. says

    Of course your babies will grow up proud of who they are…Do you know why? Because theiry mommy and daddy are so proud of who their babies are! Love your post :-)

  3. MamiCool says

    This is something that really gets to me. The endless need of people to "demand" answers to stuff that does not concern to them. I totally understand your frustration, because children's world revolves around mom and dad and having some estranger questioning if they belong to you can definitely send the wrong message and hurt them. Like I was saying in twitter the other day, if I see a child calling you mom, he can be blue and I am not to question if he is your child. Apparently, for some people, that's obviously not enough. 

  4. says

    Ruby, your kids are so beautiful!  It's a shame that there has to be so much judgement floating around about color.  You have a lot to be proud of in your family and it's really a loss on the part of anyone who misses out on that.  I can really relate to this since I went through something similar with mine and my husband's family.  My family worried that she would be "too Mexican" and my BIL even called her an "ugly brown Mexican" when she was born (we're not on speaking terms now!).  From my husband's side they always criticized that her skin was too light or that it looked like her hair would get lighter and lose it's curl.  I hear you amiga.  This stuff is so hurtful!  Sad to say, but glad for my daughter, we don't talk to any of them anymore.  :(

  5. Marie Therese Moline says

    Believe it or not, I totally get this! My 4yr. old girl is bond hair, blue eyes and I've been asked if I'm her nanny, I''ve had other women come up to her and speak to a woman next to me (blond hair, blue eyes) inquiring about the daughter that is mine! UGH! Stupid people!

  6. Courtney says

    OMG!!! reading this was like reading my story with my son!!!! I wish I could post a pic of my lil man. NO ONE EVER believes he is bi-racial African American/Caucasian.  He has BLOND curly hair with BIG BLUE eyes and is VERY light!! and my husband is pretty dark.  I can not tell you how many stares we get and comments especially when my husband is with us or just him! We have had the comments just like yours. the Maury show etc… When we were in the hospital when I had him even the Dr questioned us (or me)!!! The nurses on several occasions brought him in to us and would turn around and leave cause they thought they were in the wrong room! they would double sometimes triple check my husbands wrist band to make sure they were in the right room!! I teach my son that  he is an amazing unique gorgeous little boy. He is three and he tells people that he is white and brown!  People are so rude and ignorant it makes me sooooooo mad!!
    Thanks for writing this I am glad we are not the only ones! 

  7. Michelle G says

    I have been where you are and now as my children are older they are dealing with being the "whitest black kid" that their peers know. They get called this cause they speak with correct grammar not so much cause of the color of their skin. All three of my children have different complexions and hair types yet they are all siblings. God created them in His image and this is the prospective that I have to teach them. I encourage them to stand out, be leaders and not followers, and to use all their talents to change the world we live in.  I don't have too many people asking if they are my children much any more probably cause they are older. When people did I would take that time to educate them on the fact that MY children being multiracial allows them to have all the best attributes from each ethnicity they are mixed with that is way they are sooo beautiful. 

  8. says

    I was just having this discussion yesterday – I'm lily white and my heritage is that I'm Sephardic (read: Spanish Jew). It's often led me to be in a conversation where something gets said that's offensive to either one of my ancestors! The discussion we were having last night was a woman, light skinned, said that she grew up in the New Orleans Public School System where the black children didn't accept her lightness and the white children didn't accept her darkness. Caught in the middle because of her skin color. As one parent there said, "I'm here to unlearn racism, to do the work, so that my two granddaughters won't have to anymore."

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