Mixed and Matched

interracial hands Mixed and Matched relationships interracial relationships

Image: flickr / www.charlietphoto.com

 

Sometimes people glance cautiously at us.  Other times, they may stare and glare.  Some folks have even had nerve enough to open up their mouths and spit venom.  It’s because I’m black and he’s white, and together we are …well, we are together.

When I was younger I never would have imagined that the man I would come to love, marry, and create a family with would be white. I mean never…like in a million years, never.  My background is about as chocolate as my skin color in every way imaginable.  From my days living as a young teacher in Harlem, on back to my years at Howard University, back further still to my West Philadelphia upbringing.  Where I was raised, ‘black and proud’ was about more than a James Brown song, it was a way of living.  That same ancestral pride strengthens me every day of my life.  And I’ve been questioned ever since that day about how I could maintain that sense of myself yet love and live for a man of another color.  Still, the second he and I met I knew I needed to keep him close to me.  I didn’t know what that feeling meant back then or would come to mean in my life, but I knew that if I denied it I would regret it.  We’ve pretty much been married since the day we met.   Ten years and three babies later, here we are.

To me, the core of the issue for me is this:  when I met my husband I had the choice to either turn my back on what I knew in my soul was the love of my life simply because the package it came in wasn’t quite what I’d expected it would be, or I could stand behind a universal truth that I had come to understand which is that THIS is all a façade.  The external physical shell is nothing more to me than a costume.  Like Sting said, “we are spirits in a material world” and none of this other crap really matters in my big picture.

I can’t say that every day has been easy.  We disagree like any other couple, and when the issue is a racial one, it can be extremely challenging to find common threads from different spools.  But, we love each other so deeply that it lives beneath the skin and bones we carry.  The words are difficult to find so I don’t usually explain it, I just live in it.  However, I know that some people have questions or twisted misconceptions about “interracial relationships”.  In my attempt to live this lifetime in a freer and more open state, I offer this glimpse into a situation that some folks are curious about.

I don’t want to go any deeper into the esoteric stuff and give the impression that I am naïve about the physical world in which we live.  I know all too well the bloody and painful history of racism we in the US and indeed the entire world share.  I am also fully aware of the current racial injustices that plague us.  Maybe that is why the challenge early on was so great for me to accept our love as simply two boundless souls reuniting.  But I have, and in the face of any and all opposition, it feels right.

So, there it is.  No apologies, and not requesting anyone’s approval, just offering a view into this love, our love.  Mixed and matched.


headshot 80x80 Mixed and Matched relationships interracial relationships

Laila Lacy

Laila is a stay-@-home mommy of three who enjoys writing about the adventures of her “interracial” family.Although based in Southern California, she is an east coast girl at heart.Her interests include education, parenting, politics, poetry, and music.
headshot 80x80 Mixed and Matched relationships interracial relationships
Multicultural Bloggers

Comments

  1. says

    Beautiful, Laila! Reading about you and your soulmate makes me feel like things in the world are on the right track. My husband and I share a similar story–soulmates who found each other and never looked back. Thank you for sharing this love story.

  2. says

    Beautiful, Laila! Reading about you and your soulmate makes me feel like things in the world are on the right track. My husband and I share a similar story–soulmates who found each other and never looked back. Thank you for sharing this love story.

  3. says

    Beautiful, Laila! Reading about you and your soulmate makes me feel like things in the world are on the right track. My husband and I share a similar story–soulmates who found each other and never looked back. Thank you for sharing this love story.

  4. says

    Beautiful, Laila! Reading about you and your soulmate makes me feel like things in the world are on the right track. My husband and I share a similar story–soulmates who found each other and never looked back. Thank you for sharing this love story.

  5. says

    Laila, thank you for sharing this.  You're such a strong woman and that is very evident in your writing.  It's awesome to see your passion and determination in your relationship…something it took some time for me to develop.  Nothing makes you more sure of your identity, than having to defend what really matters to you. ♥ 

  6. Dania Santana says

    I congratulate you Laila! It is hard to confront what's supposed to be, specially when you at some point believed yourself. But, at the end of the day the love you both share is what matters. Opinions come and go, and so are the people who have them. Usually, the ones who are more opinionated are the ones will not be there with you when you need them most. 

  7. Lailalacy says

    Thank you, Dania.  I totally agree and that's exactly what time has shown.  The  most opinionated "friends" who just could not accept us would have eventually drifted away for some other reason anyway. 

  8. Lailalacy says

    Thank you Jen, and congratulations to you and your husband.  I truly believe that sometimes the most courageous thing we can do is to love who we love, no matter what.

  9. says

    I got goosebumps while reading this!  I am all smiles :)  Words cannot express the love I have for my husband (who also went to Howard, he's an east coast boy & I am a west coast girl LOL).  Whenever I try to explain it I just say it is deeper than anything I could of imagined.  It is so funny how you just know from the moment you meet your soul mate isn't it.  I love your story and what amazes me most about interracial couples is how when faced with so much adversity our love gets deeper & stronger!   

    • Lailalacy says

      Thank you Angelique.  It's an amazing journey.  The courage required is it's own reward, as I'm sure you know.

  10. Marie Therese Moline says

     Hi Laila, Even though I've been married 11 years, I am a former equal opportunity dater, so I love your post! When looking for my soulmate I really didn't give much thought to the color of the skin, but rather the person inside that skin! Whiche means I dated all kinds of people and although in my case I ended up with someone of my same skin color, I just love seeing couples like yours which make the world a more beautiful, colorful and interesting place!

    • Lailalacy says

      Thank you Marie.  We need more people like you out there, who support love and see the beauty in the diversity

  11. Nette01 says

    Laila,

    I commend you for having the courage to defy all the odds and take a chance on love regardless of skin color. Sometimes we can miss our blessings listening to people who are obsessed with societal norms. We have to go against that grain and be brave enough to think and step outside that box of what is considered normalcy. Personally I think it's normal to date another human being who is perhaps a shade lighter or darker. We learn to adapt with others we interact with daily.

    I think society spend too much time obsessing over race or someone's skin color little time on more pressing issues in life. There should be no color boundaries. If I makes you happy, go for it.

    Ann

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