Raising Color-blind Kids
Image: Kymberly Janisch
If you were to look at my kids you would see two little white boys, one with a nice little olive hue. However when they were younger we were fortunate enough to live in a very diverse area. There really were no racial lines because it was such a mix of kids and families from around the world. We never talked about race or skin color, and they really didn’t even realize that their dad had a darker complexion. I loved it. I thought it was so amazing to see all of these kids just being kids with no regard to labeling “what” they were.
Then we moved.
It wasn’t as diverse but there was a smattering of people from different backgrounds. One day my oldest son came home from kindergarten and started talking about the holiday of the day. It happened to be Martin Luther King Jr. day. All of a sudden he was talking about white people and black people, and my heart was sinking. Up until that point he hadn’t realized there were “different kinds” of people, he just saw people.
Don’t get me wrong I think it’s important for kids to learn about the history of our country and the important figures. This experience just made me wonder if there is a better way of doing it. I loved that my kids were exposed to so many different people without pre-constructed ideas of who they were based on their appearance. I hope that they can hold onto those tiny bits of childhood memories before they saw skin color first.
I’d love to know how you strive towards erasing color lines in your children’s eyes, or if you’re on the other side of my argument. Do you think it’s possible to raise color-blind kids?
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I do not want to raise my son (4) or daughter (15 months) to be color blind. Our differences are part of who we are and there is nothing wrong with that. I am Black and Asian and my husband is White and guess what? It's ok to acknowledge that Mommy and Daddy are different colors from each other, that they (the children) are also a different color, and that the kid next door or in school or whatever is also a different color. Why is it a bad thing to acknowledge this?
OK, so obviously I am UBER late into the discussion and I think everything has pretty much been said. However, while from the physical aspects its almost impossible to wish for a color-blind child since society will force color on them, its important to celebrate and positively reinforce without falling into stereotyping whether it would be considered positive or negative stereotyping. Once you open the door to stereotyping, even comments that may seem positive, you are opening up the door to any kind of generalizations and stereotyping. You really can't have it both ways I think.
I agree that children do see the difference in color, but depending on the attachment to those differences they'll have a positive or negative idea of people. Mi niece and nephew's dad is white and they both look Caucasian. However, in my sisters side of the family we are all Dominicans with different shades, my father and grandmother are both black. I remember that my niece asked my sister when abuela will be back. My sister thought she was talking about my mother (who is also Dominican, but white-Spanish looking), and my niece pointed out "no, I'm asking abuela who is the color of the trees". So, she knows my grandmother is black, she didn't even know to use the word black, but she figured grandma was not her color or daddy's color. However, she is loving with her abuela as much as she is loving to any of us (the Dominicans and the whites). The thing is, my niece has received love from people of different colors, they are all part of her family; and even though she is aware we are all different colors, she does not have a bad image of people based on color. I think we can all agree that love IS colorblind. As long as we nurture a culture of understanding and loving people for who they are inside, stereotypes will begin to disappear. Not as soon as we will like them to, but they will.
This is a really great post that has sparked a lot of interesting conversations! I often think about what life would be like if we could only see spirits--no color, no gender, no fat or skinny, no able-bodies or disabled bodies, no reason to judge anyone except for "the content of their character" (as MLK so eloquently stated.) But unfortunately, as others have stated here, that is not the case. I don't think it is a good idea to be "blind" to anything, and have tried to teach my children to recognize and respect differences. I often give my children and my students the same analogy Amy mentioned--we all bleed the same. But when my kids were potty training I found a board book that offers a lighter analogy--EVERYBODY POOPS! Whenever I see someone acting like they think they're better than someone else I try to remind them--"Hey--do you poop? Well, so does she/he!" It sure is hard for anyone to feel superior to anyone else when you point out their necessary bodily functions ;)
Thank you for all the replies! While I certainly realize that they will become aware of different skin colors just like different eye colors as several people mentioned it's the stigmas that get attached to that. I can honestly say that before the class discussion on MLK my son had never once mentioned "black people". He never attached his dad as having a different color skin than me. Maybe the hurt in this came from it happening so sudden and in a way I felt was more destructive than positive.
Amanda, I'm with you. I'm really dreading that day. :( I don't want to see it happen and it's part of the reason while I'm planning to homeschool my daughter, but even so...you know it will come up at some point because this world is so focused on race. I agree with you that it shouldn't have to happen and I hope that future generations can change that! <3 Great post amiga!
My son is this way. Although he recognizes cultural differences, he sees people, as just "people." I think that's because we never talk in stereotypes in our home. We value everybody, with a distinction that there are people who do "good" things and people who do "bad" things. And guess what? They come in all shapes in sizes. I pray for a day when color-blindness will be a reality. Until then, I think we need to educate our children on the views they will experience in society, otherwise they'll be in for a big shock.
Lovely discussion. Young children often do not discern color if those ideas aren't introduced in the family of origin or some other experience. While I can't erase any lines my children are already aware of, I can talk plainly about how they have come about, what they mean to people on all sides of the story - those oppressed, those oppressing, and those jumping out of the boxes they grew up in.
Whenever I hear someone refer to a certain group in a certain way I respectfully comment, "People are people, we are all unique and yet all bleed the same color blood. We are more alike than different."
The world is full of suffering and we can break out of it first by being honest with ourselves about how we as people create that through the lines and ideas we believe in the first place and then by choosing not to allow those lines to rule our lives. From there maybe people will stop drawing them so distinctly. Until then, though, we can experience freedom ourselves by not living within the constricts of socially determined roles.
The colorblindness ideal is a good one, I'll give you that. In my heart of hearts, this is what I wish for our world as well. It simply isn't real.
And in my opinion, it is dangerous, especially for white parents with kids of color, to raise their children as if we already live in a colorblind society. Or kids need strategies and tools for dealing with race in the US. Both their race and racial and social structure of others. As a society we are obsessed with race. Most news reports on TV have racial elements to them. In fact the reporting itself is racially tinged (and add to our collective stereotyping).
Here I will prove it:
What is an 'all-American' look?
What does an A student look like?
A D student?
A troublemaker?
An inmate in maximum security?
A bad driver?
A nerd?
An illegal immigrant?
If you can answer these honestly from your gut, all of our answers would match or be extremely close. Of course, individually we can work to break these stereotypes in our minds, and often some of us spend lots of hours trying to undo what seems hardwired in our minds to think about other people, but as a society, collectively we hold onto these very tightly and for those that seem to 'fit' those stereotypes, trust me, there is no pretending that colorlines are gone.
Interesting blog. I'll keep reading and learning.
my best to you.
Jen
Hi Jen :) We've got a bit of a double edged sword with the color issue and the religion issue. On one hand yes I do want my kids to have strategies to deal with things as they come up but I don't want to reinforce stereotypes because I feel it perpetuates the cycle. I don't know if there's a good answer for this one!
Jen and Amanda, I just want to weigh in on this with my opinion because it's a really great topic! I feel that it's important not to perpetuate stereotypes by exposing our children too them. The less they are exposed, the better. But, I don't think that not talking about it...or colorblindness is the answer. We've seen this doesn't work. Instead, the best way to combat stereotypes is by giving them positive examples to counter them. Exposing our children to a multitude of individuals from a variety of backgrounds will ensure that they don't buy into the stereotypes and are careful in using race-specific terms to identify people. Education and immersion should be our top goals. :)
Hey Tilly! This is a good Topic! I guess I was a little colorblind and still am all those questions just asked I could see any child being. All the people I know in Prison are White so that would be my answer to that one, all the trouble makers I know well they are all kinds, Straight A student I am use to living as an adult in a community where most of them are Black females and then Black Males so that would be what I would say there. I could do the rest but I just wanted to show my example not every one thinks in stereo-types.
When I was little I didn't know the difference between white and black or Hispanic or even Asian for that matter yeah they looked different and some people have different religions and customs, but don't we all?? I really didn't not realize the difference until adulthood I knew about racism but never understood it because in my eyes people are people I look around and see people not colors even growing up in a almost All White school when some one different came in a barley noticed a difference in them at all, until it was pointed out and I would wonder why they were point it out? Who cares or whats your problem is what I would say to them??
When I was in 7th grade we had 10 children of migrant workers in my class's, and I could not for the life of me figure out what the hell all the fuss was about and why they would migrate or where from and when I found out I didn't think it was a big deal. We where once all immigrants too right?? I knew they spoke better Spanish then English but of course they would if there family had come her from another country or close to the border I never once saw their skin color and thought wow they don't belong I only knew knew because they spoke a different language (but we were all in at least one language class) and even that wouldn't have triggered the oh there different from me! It was when the teacher asked where they were from and they stood and told us that I knew and the first thing I thought was oh thats sooooo cool!! I thought there Parents must love them alot to move so far to provide for them!
My friend Beth was half Mexican half Italian Her last name was she had a "Mexican" last name and I never noticed it was different in any way and now wonder if she got ridiculed by others but I never noticed it(not likely I would and did kick butt if some one had any thing bad to say about any of my friends) and I was with her all the time she spoke all 3 of her native languages and again I thought how cool! Same With Amy she was Vietnamese and Mexican she also knew all 3 languages, and Kristan Native American and Mexican. The only reason I know they are different is because I met their family's and heard them fight and argue and laugh and have good times in 3 different languages (some members in each of their family refused to speak anything but their native language)if I would have only known them at school I would have never thought twice to ask what they "Were" or think they were "different" or "Didn't Belong".
My sister had a Friend named Jason the first thing I noticed about him was that he really could skate bored I thought he was Amazing at it and I did not once notice he was "So different" Until some one pointed him out to me and said See the new Mixed kid? I was like Mixed? Mixed with what? She whispers He's half black! Huh So What??What is he mixed with ok I'm confused........Ohhhhhhhhh so What aren't you mixed to? She was like No...So I was like yeah you know your dutch and polish.....Oh thats not mixed she said Is to me I said and walked away.
Coming from an all white school it is hard to believe my friends were So diverse and these were only the ones from that school. I also baby sat a little girl that everyone Called "Mixed Baby" I would get mad and wonder why? She was Beautiful to me and was Just Summer. People are still just people to me.......Sorry this was so Long. Just wanted to cheap in here!
I do not know how I escaped the racism that most of my family has but I never thought twice about any one being infurer to anyone people are just people. We are all differnt and I will raise my kids the best I can to accept everyone no matter what they look or sound like! Again Sorry!
Whew! That was long! Lol! Thanks for the comment hermanita! I hear what you're saying about feeling colorblind. I felt that way too growing up, minus the few stereotypes in my mind about black men. That was one thing that I always heard from mom. I know that we were lucky, because she managed to curb a lot of the prejudice that her parents taught her. We were really lucky to have her as our mom. I think the fact that she was so open to other cultures and people all the rest of the time, really made me question her comments about black men. You could tell that it didn't fit her beliefs...as a Christian woman or mother. I think she did exactly what was needed for prejudice to end...her and dad both. They exposed us to diversity. Granted, it wasn't as much as it could have been, but I feel it had a big impact on me, because when I met my husband, all the realizations came to me. Of our Puerto Rican tio, who I never realized was Latino and everyone else that we somehow never knew were different. I wonder about that all the time...how didn't we know? Why didn't we know? In some ways, I wish I would have known then. I could have learned more about their heritage, I could have been more aware. But regardless, I'm happy that those experiences prepared me to love my hubby. From all that we were exposed to as children, I found important connections with my hubby's culture. The chicharrones (pork rinds) and so many other foods were already in my vocabulary...just waiting on hubby to give them meaning. ♥
hey, i dont want to raise mu children to be colour blind..we are raising to be proud that they are fully chinese (step son 15) half chinese half irish(daughter 2 and son 10months) and that their cousins are irish and their other cousons are half irish half spanish...they are celebrating coultures from around the world and growing up in the firm knowledge that different cultures are wonderful ....i went to school with mixed kids that never even realised they were mixed until they encountered racism at the hands of their classmates...they grew up ashamed and confused about their very own identity they never learned to love it at home so learned to be ashamed of it from those around them outside instead...
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